Dilemma

I hate the feeling where I feel insecure–like if you’ll find her more attractive than I am, or like if you’ll find her more capable than I am. I’m trying my best to be the woman who is worthy to be called as your suitable helper in life. Yet whenever I look at her, why is it my confidence slowly shrinks? Maybe it seems she has something better to offer, I guess? But maybe..maybe, I have that other ‘something better to offer’ too, right?

I’m trying my best not to fall, but why is it as the days pass by, I get a little more addicted to you? Let’s say I finally fall for someone like you, will you catch me? Or will you also ignore me just like what he did? Just to be honest. I’m afraid. I really am.

Whenever we cross our paths, you just don’t know how much I want to say “Hi!” to you, and how much I wish to have even a small talk with you, like, “Hi! Can we be friends? How’s your day?” It gets more tempting to make the first move, but I choose to let you take the lead, since you are the man.

Whatever.

I guess I have to be more patient to see if I really have the chance to have a space in your heart. Sorry for being a little ambitious here. I just thought that maybe if you are the one to make the first move, I can somehow be your friend, at least, not just another fan of yours. Maybe then, I can think that the possibility of “you-pursuing-me” stuff can happen. Maybe then, I can finally feel the feeling of those women I got jealous of–the feeling of being pursued by the men of their prayers.

When? When will I experience such pure love? When will I get the second chance to be stared with those beautiful slanted eyes of yours?

When?

Sigh.