*A random rant in my drafts from last year. Mejo cringy ung part na nabroken si ateng nyu. Now lang nagkacourage ipost itetchiwa. Lols.
Yes, I know, I lost again. Even if I don’t want to accept it, the truth will still be the truth — I will never ever be his muse. Never. Sometimes, I feel stupid. Why did I ever let myself fall for a man again — a man who won’t choose to pursue me. Why, self? Why?
I tried to divert my attention on other things. I tried keep myself busy with work, maybe a way to escape the reality that he can’t be mine. I want to forget him… his existence. Ugh.
Sometimes I begin to question my worth, or maybe my face? Am I that ugly? I guess not. It only gets a little scarier to fall in love when every time you try to open your heart to someone, they always liked someone else.
When will I experience being pursued by the man of my prayers? When will he show up and prove to me that I’m worth pursuing? …that our love is truly worth the wait? When? Sometimes I get a little impatient as the pressure gets a little bit intense… I’m not forever young, you know.
Maybe this is where others call it the most challenging part of waiting. Honestly, it’s getting tempting to flirt or to have flings… maybe to temporarily fill the void inside my heart. Yet, even if I’ll have a hundred of flings, the question will still be there– Worth it ba?
Hays.
Makapag kape na nga lang.
When My Heart Speaks 