Where do broken hearts go? Saan nga ba?
Healing is a process. Moving on is a process. Everything’s a process. And most of them are awfully painful at first, but do give you an inexplicable peace in the end.
To be honest, I still don’t feel okay. The pain is still here. Though medyo nabawasan na siya, but I can’t tell na okay na talaga ako. Ang hirap pala talaga pag may tinatanggal si Lord na something sa life mo, noh? Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Alam mo ung feeling na may something kang kinaadikan nang ilang taon, tapos all of a sudden mawawala sa kamay mo… Ang hirap. But then you’ll realize that it’s for your own good naman.
There are times I find this thing ridiculous. Nakakatawa na nakakainis. Yung akala mong ‘mutual’, but in the end, nalaman mong ‘unrequited’ pala?! Saklap bes. Nakakaloka noh? Siguro nga, isa akong dakilang assumera. Hahahaaaayst.
Little by little, natatanggap ko na rin ang situation. But as what I said earlier, kinaadikan mo ng ilang taon e. Kaya di mo rin maaalis na mapaparanoid ka minsan, hahanap-hanapin mo nang pasimple… Stalk dito, Stalk doon. Tapos masasaktan ka. Emote dito, emote doon. Stupid, right?
January pa lang. And may mahigit 11 months pa na parating sa year 2017 na ‘to. Of course, I expect na hindi talaga magiging madali ito para sa akin, ang pagmu-move on. Strike 2 na ‘to bes e. Gets? Kaya it takes time talaga to heal, and the hand of God, of course. Acceptance. Ugh. Honestly, sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon, minsan gusto ko na lang maging manhid. O di kaya’y magkakalyo na lang sa puso para maimmune na ba sa pain. Paano nga ba magkaroon ng kalyo (callus) sa puso? Nakakapagod na kasi e.
While I’m listening to some mellow music, nagplay ung “Where Do Broken Hearts Go” na version ni Erik Santos. E di kanta naman ang lola ninyo. Pagdating sa chorus, “Where do broken hearts go ♫♪♫♫” I heard a voice inside of me, saying,
“E di kay Lord.”
Oo nga naman. Kung brokenhearted ka, why go/run to places that you know it will only make your situation even worse? Bakit hindi na lang kay Lord? Bakit hindi mo na lang kay Lord iiyak ang lahat ng iyan? Lahat ng sakit, pait, galit o kung ano pa man yan. Why not let God heal you?
“Jesus replied, ‘You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'”
-John 13:7
There are times na hindi mo talaga maintindihan ang mga bagay-bagay na nangyayari. Minsan mapapatanong ka na lang, “Bakit ganun, Lord? Bakit ganito… Bakit ganyan…” Yes, it’s easier to just give up. It’s easier to go to different kinds of vices just to forget the pain or whatever.. Maybe it’s easier to just get a blade, cut your wrist and end your life, so to end your sufferings, too. But that’s not it e. It’s not the right solution.
Sabi nga e… His ways are higher than our ways… His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. Hindi mo man maintindihan ang mga bagay-bagay sa buhay mo ngayon, pero ang Lord, He knows His plans for your life very well. All we need to do is to trust Him. May mga bagay talagang tinatanggal ang Lord sa buhay mo dahil sagabal ang mga yun sa pag-journey mo dun sa destiny na plan Niya for you.
Never put a question mark where God has put a period.
It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to shed tears for a moment. Pero wag naman forever diba. May mga bagay talaga na kailangang matapos para magkaroon ka ng bagong simula. Paano ka nga naman makaka-move forward if you keep on looking at the past?
He knows every crack of your heart. He sees your most secret tears. He hears your most silent prayers that you can’t even utter. He knows everything about you. He knows you very well. So, just surrender every pieces of your broken heart unto His hands, and let Him do the healing. Every pieces, huh?! No reservations.
Just give Him your brokenness and let Him make you whole again. He will. I know He will.